I remained calm on the outside--something I assume is requisite if I hope my kid will talk to me about the darker side of his school days--but on the inside I was beginning to panic.
I know I post a lot about how much we love kindergarten, which we do, but it hasn't been perfect. Trust me, I've had a couple of school panic attacks, where a chorus of voices that's been accumulating in my head rises up and chokes my confidence in this elementary school and makes me briefly wonder if I should pull my kid out and and and what?--and that's usually when the panic attack ends.
So far my panic attacks have been limited to such things as D'Nealian handwriting, which is eeeevil like the fruuuuits of the deveeeel eeeevil, and the stupid books they bring home to read, which actually seem to be working. (My biggest school panic attack occurred when David's teacher and I were stumbling around metaphorically on different pages when it came to why David struggles with certain things and what could best help him. It was a very serious panic attack and led to a week of sleepless nights. It's an incident that is probably worth writing about--especially since it turned out very well. But I think, I feel, it falls into the category of disrespecting David's privacy.) But not yet have I had one of those panicky moments where I think school is a negative environment or a place where David is exposed to bad influences. I expect those moments will come in the future. But, thankfully, not yet.
Until David announced that he is the only one who doesn't break God's big commandment.
What is God's big commandment??? Why do I not know this? And why are all the kids in the school breaking it?
So I asked, calmly, "What is God's big commandment?"
"Choose the right." Duh.
Okay, okay, I should have known that. But how are all these kids choosing the wrong? What are they doing? Immediately, I am imagining swearing. Are these kids swearing?! Would David even recognize a bad word? Oh my, what if he can recognize bad words?! Are they stealing? What are they stealing? Hitting? Pushing? Punching? Are they sneaking off somewhere at recess to do--I don't even know what. Are they running some kind of gambling operation in the ditch out back? Oh no--what if someone brought a dirty magazine to school and they met under the teacher's desk during free choice time to look at it? I was really starting to panic!
So I asked, calmly, "So how are the kids not choosing the right?"
David answered defensively, "Well, me and Bailey never do it."
"Who does it?"
"Cathy."*
Cathy?? Seriously? That confused me because she's like the teacher's pet. I tried to imagine Cathy swearing, but even my running-wild imagination couldn't conjure up the image.
"What does Cathy do?"
"She tattles. Always! She always tattles on everybody!"
"And tattling is what everybody--except you and Bailey--does to choose the wrong? That's how they're breaking God's big commandment to choose the right?"
"Yeah, Mom. Tattling is bad, remember?"
And with that I breathed a sigh a relief.
I love kindergarten.
* Cathy is not her real name. I do wonder what David is doing that so inspires her to tattle?
