You still need to put the finishing touches on potty training. I know, I hear the groaning. But it's true!
Trust me, I thought I had finished potty training David years ago. But there was still one more step: He needed to learn how to pee without his bum hanging out. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this until, oh, YESTERDAY.
As we were leaving for church, David announced he needed to go potty. Then he announced that he was going to go potty "not the bare bottom way." He explained, nonchalantly, that Mr. M, their P.E. teacher, had told the kindergarten boys that they shouldn't pee "the bare bottom way." They also shouldn't pee "the bare belly way." (I wonder if Mr. M ever expected that he was one day going to be teaching five-year-old boys not to pee with their behinds flapping in the wind.)
My immediate reaction was to turn red with shame. Who cares if David could write his name, count to 40, follow directions, and read simple sentences. I had sent him to kindergarten without knowing the socially acceptable way to PEE. I was consoled, though, by the fact that it seemed that there were multiple bare bottom offenders in the kindergarten class.
My next reaction was to scold Greg for failing to teach his son to pee the right way. Wouldn't you agree that teaching your sons to pee without their bums hanging out is a father's responsibility? Really, I think it's in the Proclamation on the Family.
He shrugged and said, "I was just doing what my dad did."
"What did your dad do?"
"Nothing."
"So how did you learn to stop peeing with your pants pulled all the way down?"
"One day in first grade, I was peeing the bathroom, and I looked around and realized I was the only one with his behind hanging out."
Well, call me a helicopter parent if you will, but I prefer to take a more proactive approach. Greg is now under strict instructions to break David's bare bottom habit.
So to all of you other helicopter parents about to send your kid on his first forays into the restrooms of a public school: This summer, in between flash cards and splash pads, don't forget to teach your son that when he's peein' in the pot he should be hidin' his hiney.
