and finally 2 Timothy 1:7

You might (or might not) want to read parts 1, 2, and 3.

Leslie had stopped by an open house that morning and was excited about the house.  While it was a little odd looking on the outside (true), she said it was great inside (also true).  Most importantly, it was in the very community where we most wanted to live--and it was only 5 minutes from Chris and Leslie.  It was For Sale By Owner, so she had met the owners and talked with them at length--about the house and even more about us.  (Leslie sold us to the owners!)  They said they hoped to hear from us and gave their contact information to Leslie, who passed it on to us.

I knew immediately this was the house.  In the car on the way home from Chicago I looked up the listing and called the owners.  They were thrilled to hear from us--and so quickly!  They could tell we were serious right away.  We talked for a bit.  They explained that they would soon be empty nesters.  They had planned to sell the house in a year or two, but had suddenly felt like they should sell it this year.  So they hurried and put it on the market.  It had only been listed for two days--and already they had a lot of serious interest.  I explained that their house was exactly what we were looking for, that I trusted my sister-in-law's opinion (which is so true--she should be a real estate agent), and that we wanted to put together an offer for them right away.  (Crazy, right?  But it felt normal, really.)  I further explained that we were out of town but on our way back--we just needed a little time to get back home and put together an offer.  (We'd never been involved in a For Sale By Owner, so we had a little research to do too.)  They explained that they had other offers coming in that weekend, but they would keep us updated and that they hoped to see one from us.

The short of it is this:  They received two other offers that weekend--cash offers--but they accepted ours!  Wow.  And do you want to know why?  Our late closing date.

Because of the late closing we'd asked for (without really knowing why) on the house in Wisconsin, we had to ask for a late closing date on the house in Ohio.  It turned out the owners didn't want to move out until later in the summer.  Our ridiculously late closing date was like a Godsend.  (It was a Godsend.)

Here a couple of other tidbits:

Because we (Leslie) found the house so soon, we hadn't had a chance to find an agent.  Since this was a FSBO house, not having an agent worked in our favor (along with the late closing date).

Because it was a FSBO deal, we had to put  together the contract by ourselves--which happened in the middle of the night.  (I think we finished at 2 am.)  We were so clueless.  My dad the lawyer gave us some good advice (some of which we followed and some of which we didn't), and there were resources online. But it still wasn't enough.  If only we had a complete Ohio real estate contract to use as a template ...Wait!  We did!  We had a copy of the contract our Dayton-area agent had drawn up for the little house we had tried to make an offer on in Dayton.  Another Godsend.  Seriously.

Also, thank goodness we'd felt that sense of urgency--and that we'd continued to act and press forward.

Even that Montessori school in Dayton worked in our favor.  It got me to Chris and Leslie's house!  They'd moved to Ohio after we had left the first time, so I'd never been there before.  It was a million times easier to take the step of faith to live there (and buy a house I hadn't seen) because I had visited back in March.  I had a picture in my head.  I knew it was a beautiful, wonderful area.  I knew it was a ward where we would be happy.  I knew that Greg's drive to Dayton would be bearable--because I'd done it myself.  Most of all, I knew that I wanted our families to be close.  I really don't think I would have been capable of considering living there if I hadn't visited a month earlier.

I am generally not one to ascribe every little thing that happens as "the hand of the Lord."  I tend to think that life just happens, and, while God is watching over us, He's not a micro-manager.  I also believe that He doesn't always give us specific guidance, even on decisions that seem very big to us (like buying a house).  But I have to acknowledge that in this particular case, my general beliefs do not apply.  I cannot doubt the Lord was working in my life on some very specific things.

A few weeks after all of this--after we had a contract on both houses--Greg and I were asked to speak in church.  We were assigned to talked about Proverbs 3:5 and D&C 6:36, which also happen to go along nicely with one of my favorite scriptures, 2 Timothy 1:7.  As I prepared my remarks, I experienced an impression from the Spirit that, in this case, the hand of the Lord had been very involved, that God had been carefully arranging things for us to end up in the right place and in the right house. I had the specific thought that He had quietly prompted the owners in Ohio to put their house on the market a year early, and in that particular week.  I suddenly realized how many little things (small and simple things) had worked together in our favor--from when we put our house on the market here to our morning spent in the temple instead of choosing a real estate agent.  God had worked a miracle in our lives, and I could not deny it.

So I am taking this opportunity to thank God and acknowledge His hand.  And I am reminding my future self to "doubt not, fear not" and instead "trust in the Lord."  God has given me "a spirit ...  of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  I know God loves, and, perhaps more importantly, I know God cares.

... and Doctrine & Covenants 6:36

This is the long, boring (but important to me) story of the our house in Wisconsin and the one that will become our home in Ohio.  Part 1 is here. And part 2 is here.  This is part 3, and the last part will come soon.

David and Mary at the Chicago Temple in April.
This is the day we learned what house would become our home.

Since we would not be buying the only house that made any sense, Greg and I expanded our options.  We considered schools we would not have considered before.  We considered houses well outside the ward boundaries we wanted to live in. We looked way above our price range and way below our price range.  We went back to the drawing board and considered renting or even base housing.  But the feeling was always no, no, no.  But still we couldn't shake the sense of urgency. We must have gone through the decision-making steps described in D&C 9:8 a million times, only to experience again and again the big fat stupor of thought described in verse 9. It felt like we were walking in circles.  In the dark.

Finally, one day the obvious dawned on us.  We had enlarged our search so wide that we were considering homes halfway to Cincinnati.  We realized we shouldn't live halfway to Cincinnati--we should live all the way to Cincinnati.  We should live near Greg's brother!  As soon as the thought entered my mind, I felt peace.  The darkness and despair disappeared.  Suddenly, I felt like I was moving forward instead of stuck turning circles.  Greg called his brother, who was in London at the time, to talk to him about it.  And I talked to Leslie.  We all felt this could be a really special time for our families, to live close to each other.  I can't believe how light and happy I felt!  And I felt a confirmation that this would be a blessing for both of our families.

Leslie immediately jumped into action helping me understand the area,  like school and church boundaries, as well as desirable neighborhoods and communities.  She helped us with real estate agent recommendations, and, in the meantime she sent me listings of houses in good locations and offered to go to any open houses.  The only problem was that the market was piping hot in the community we wanted.  It was the kind of situation where houses were selling within hours!!  I felt stressed about being able to buy a house in that kind of environment.  We knew we should plan a house hunting trip to Ohio soon ... perhaps that very weekend.  But we felt even more strongly that we needed to go worship in the temple that weekend.  We had so much going on that it seemed unwise.  Except that the feeling was so strong that it seemed unwise not to go.

So that Saturday (our house had been under contract for only a week--it seemed like the longest, most intense week ever!) we piled everyone in the car and drove to Chicago.  Greg and I took turns at the temple.  I took the kids to the nearby children's museum, and he took them to lunch while I was inside the temple.
When I was inside, I felt such peace that moving to the north-eastern suburbs of Cincinnati was the right decision.  I felt it was important to live as close as possible to Chris and Leslie. I felt peace about being able to buy a house in the right community.  Most of all, I felt God's love for me and my family.  I knew I could trust Him.  He was taking care of us.  I had no reason to fear or doubt.

When I walked out of the temple, I had a text from Leslie:  She had found our house!


P.S.  D&C 6:36

Proverbs 3:5 continued

Sara with Evan and Eliza at their home in Cincinnati, March 2013

Once we had an accepted offer on our house here in Wisconsin, we could get serious about looking for a house in Dayton.  Even though we weren't particularly excited about buying a house--we especially weren't excited about having to sell another house--we had crunched numbers, debated, and discussed, always coming back to the idea that we should buy instead of rent.  Because we had lived there before, we knew the area quite well, and we thought we had an idea of where we wanted to live.  We decided we wanted to return to the same church ward as before.  There were two areas outside the ward that attracted us, but, ultimately, we felt it was important to go back to our old ward, and we were excited to be close to the friends we had left behind.  We felt we could move forward knowing we would buy a house and knowing what neighborhoods we would consider.

Now I need to go back in time for a moment.  Back in February I had decided it was time to get serious about Mary and what the heck she was going to do about school.  (By the way, February is usually way too late to make schooling decisions for the following fall.  Remember that, parents of young children.  My excuse was that I'd had a baby and temporarily checked out of life.)  I'd communicated with some people at the school district I thought we would move to, and, while they were very helpful, caring, and professional, it became clear to me that Mary would be better off at a Montessori school for another year.  (I write that sentence like it was no big deal.  The decision was agony.  I lost a lot of sleep over Mary and school.  Heck, I still lose sleep over Mary and school.  I probably lose even more sleep over David and school. And, yes, I even worry about Sara and school.  I clearly have a problem.)

It was obvious which Montessori school she would attend, so I contacted them to schedule a visit.  They were totally full next fall, with a long wait list.  I remember hanging up the phone, shocked.  I knew very well that February is late in the game.  But I had agonized about the decision!  How could there be no space for her??  I felt panicky in my chest and sick in my stomach.  And, then, those feelings melted away ... and I felt peace.  I knew that things would work out for the best for Mary.  I had to have patience while those things worked out.  But God was aware of her (and me) and it was going to be okay.  (By the way, I still don't know for sure what "okay" will be.)  The school had agreed to look at Mary's application and file it away.  They promised to give her preference the following year.  But, surprise, a few days later, after they had received the application, they called to tell me they really wanted Mary.  They created a space for her! So I scheduled a visit for a couple of weeks later, and they agreed to hold Mary's spot until we had a chance to see the school.

That's when the girls took our road trip to Ohio.  Sara, Mary, and I.  (What was I thinking?!  Sara was congested and in the middle of her fussiest phase.  I was sleep-deprived and utterly exhausted--this was in the middle of getting our house ready to sell.  Mary seriously saved the day with her helpfulness, patience, and positive attitude.)  Mary and I (and Sara) visited the school.  Mary loved the school.  I, on the other hand, had some pretty serious reservations about it.  I shoved my reservations aside because I could see no other alternative.  I knew it was a blessing that there was a space for Mary at that school--a door had been opened for us, so we passed through the door, even though it still felt like we hadn't yet reached the light.  There was no doubt in my mind that public school in any Dayton area district was not going to be a good fit for Mary the following year, so after our tour of the school, I registered her there.

Even though we weren't ready to look seriously at houses in Dayton yet--our own house wasn't even for sale yet--I kept having the feeling I should look at a few houses with our agent while I was there.  So she met up with me for an hour after our school tour and we looked at a few houses--in a neighborhood that met our needs and seemed to make a lot of sense.  Unfortunately, the houses we looked at had some serious issues and were quickly crossed off the list, but we weren't really in the market so it didn't matter ... yet.

As it would turn out, the most important part of our trip was staying with Greg brother's Christ and his family in Cincinnati.  It was a fast trip, but my sister-in-law Leslie convinced me to stay an extra day.  Leslie and I are close, and it was so great to hang out with her.  It was good to see Chris and the way he serves others.  And I loved seeing my niece and nephews.  They are such good, good kids.  Eliza lovingly took Mary under her wing.  And Luke and Evan were just as sweet as could be with Sara.  Best of all was the feeling in their home.  There was a feeling of love and peace and faith and dedication to the Lord.  Incidentally, I also: went to church with them, made the drive to Dayton and back, saw what the area where they live is like.  But, of course, at the time I didn't think much of any of that.

Okay. Now let's fast forward to mid-April.  We accepted an offer on our house, so we were in a position to look seriously at homes in Dayton.  That very weekend we discussed what our plan should be. We wouldn't be moving until the end of July, so we had plenty of time. We would schedule a time to go house hunting later in the spring.  But we felt this great sense of urgency!  And we could not shake the feeling.  We needed to find our house in Ohio ... right away!

Now I am going to try even harder to make a long story short.  (Believe it or not, I've been trying all along.)  Suffice it to say, Greg and I felt we needed to find a house almost immediately but we didn't feel good about anything!  There was nothing in the ward and schools we wanted that we felt comfortable buying.  The obvious thing to do was to wait ... but we still felt that sense of urgency.  We discussed and debated for hours on end.  Finally, one morning we woke up and realized we should buy a house I'd seen back in March that was still on the market.  I had immediately crossed it off the list back then because it was too small-- just over half the size of our current house.  But everything else about it made sense.  And we realized, though we would have to make some sacrifices and change some of the ways we lived, we could make it work.  Greg and I talked about what we would have to do to downsize--we even went through the house and noted much of the furniture and belongings we would have to shed.  Then we called our real estate agent to put together an offer.

We felt confident in our decision.  We knew we had carefully considered many, many factors.  And this house clearly made the most sense.  In fact, it was the only one that made any sense.  We felt good about our offer, but also nervous.  I remember kneeling at my bedside and praying very specifically, "Father in Heaven, we really believe this is the best house.  We have done our best to make the best decision we possibly can.  We feel good about this choice.  So if buying this house is not the right thing, it is in your hands now, and I will trust that you will take care of us."

Our offer was not accepted.  In fact, due to one little accidentally missed email, the sellers didn't have a chance to see our offer before they had accepted another one.  It was disappointing.  But also a relief--I felt this was the Lord looking out for us.  Only I was totally confused.  Because we were back to square one.


To be continued again ... final post coming soon.

Proverbs 3:5

This is the story of two houses, the house we live in now and the house we will soon live in.   It is not a particularly interesting story.  But in all the hub-bub of preparing to move and all the anxiety I feel on the verge of such a big change, I felt like I needed to take a few minutes to write down the story of the two houses.  To remind myself of how the Lord takes care of us and how He blesses us.  

When we bought the house here in Verona, we felt peaceful about it.  This was back in 2010 when the economy was terrible, the markets were practically frozen, and no houses were selling.  It seemed crazy to buy a house when we knew we would have to turn around and sell it in just three years.  It was hard to imagine the real estate market ever being back to "normal."  It was hard to see how we could plan on being able to sell the house at all, let alone avoid losing a ton of money in the deal.  Logically, it didn't seem like the best idea ever.  But we knew renting was not going to work, and we felt strongly that buying a house was the right thing to do.  We would just have to trust the Lord that it would all work out.

We right away knew this was the  house.  It didn't have all the bells and whistles of some others.  It didn't make us swoon.  But it felt like home.  We felt comfortable and peaceful, and right away I could imagine our life here.  I knew we would be happy here.  As we moved forward with the purchase of this house, I felt a confirmation from the Spirit that we would be able to sell it and it would not be a financial hardship.  Sure, over the short years we have been here I have worried about selling the house.  But it was my choice to worry.  God had already told me not to worry.  (Yes, I have an addiction to worry.)

Suddenly, when Sara was a month old, we realized we needed to get serious about selling our house.  We started preparing the house, chose an agent, and came up with a plan.  We decided to list the house at the end of March.  There was some debate about it.  Spring was late this year, and the market would be slow until the temperatures warmed up. It could perhaps be to our advantage to wait and list the house later, when things were hopping ... if they got hopping.  We decided, no, we felt like we should list the house early.  Greg especially felt strongly that it was the right thing to do.  

We had a lot of work to do.  Our house has been well-maintained and we've tackled some projects here and there since we bought it, so there was nothing major to do.  But it was important to us that our house be in tip-top shape and show well.  After months and months of our lives being in disarray (I wasn't super productive during my pregnancy), there was a lot of sorting, repairing, organizing, cleaning, arranging, donating, and disposing to do.  (A LOT!!)  Of course, this all happened when Greg was in the middle of the most intense writing phase of his dissertation.  And we had a baby who wanted to be held all the time! Miraculously (let me say that again, miraculously), we managed to get our house on the market just before spring break.  We got the house as pristine as possible and then took our mess and fled to Texas for 10 days.

Going to Texas was a great idea.  We had a million showings while we were gone!  I was so glad we weren't there.  I couldn't imagine having multiple showings every day while we were trying to live in the house.  (Little did I know...)  I will be honest:  Of course I hoped we would sell the house while we were in Texas.  But, alas, not a single offer the first week. (I knew it was a lot to hope for, but I couldn't help it!)  It was still the dead of winter in Wisconsin, so, while there were a gazillion buyers prowling around Verona (which is a highly sought-after area), no one felt like biting--on anything.  So we returned to Wisconsin and to a house that we would have to keep perfectly clean and organized.  Eek.

Once we returned home, we continued to have multiple showings nearly every day.  Apparently there were a gazillion more buyers looking in Verona.  It was insane.  Our house was not our own.  Our lives were not our own!  My kids couldn't have friends over.  My kids couldn't bring home their schoolwork--it went straight to the recycling bin.  No laundry could be piled up.  No baby paraphernalia left around.  Meals could rarely be eaten at home.  I couldn't make any plans or appointments lest I need to get the house ready for a showing.  I did nothing--NOTHING--except clean my house.  Insane, I tell you.  And not sustainable.  I was going to break.  Our whole family was going to break.  I had no doubt our house would sell that spring.  But I wept at the thought of our lives continuing like that for another month or two. Wept and wept. Would one of these two gazillion people who were tromping around my bedroom and opening my closets just please buy my house?  

It was an odd spring, our agent, who has been selling houses in Verona for 20 years, explained.  She said there were tons of buyers.  But they weren't buying.  They all just kept looking and looking and waiting and waiting.  Since nothing was selling, none of them felt like they had to act.  Even though it would probably end up being a seller's market once the weather broke, for the time being all the buyers felt like they had all the time in the world.  Our agent (and Greg) predicted (correctly) that once the first couple of houses sold, they would all get snapped up.  But in April it was like everything was frozen in place as we all waited to see who would bite first.

Meanwhile, Greg and I both had the impression that we needed to spend the summer here.  Originally, we had thought we'd get out of here as soon as school was out and spend the summer crisscrossing the country, possibly leaving Greg behind to finish up his dissertation.  But the feeling was strong that we should stay here until August.  We didn't know exactly why ... perhaps Greg would need a lot of extra time on his dissertation, or we needed to continue to fulfill responsibilities and foster friendships here, or our kids needed the time and stability.  Whatever the reason, we trusted that God knew best.  So we agreed that we would compromise on price to get a late closing date.  (If we ever got an offer ... )

So our house was only on the market about three weeks.  (I have to remind myself that three weeks is not very long--how fortunate we were.  But it felt more like three months!  Or more like an ETERNITY!  Deep down I felt peace that it would sell, but my surface emotions were all stress, worry, and exhaustion.)  When we received the offer on our house, we considered it carefully.  And we knew what we should do.  Very quickly.  Almost immediately the thought of how we should counter popped into my head.  It was a clear, peaceful, calm, confident feeling deep inside (in contrast to the anxious, tight feeling in my chest that I often feel but I have learned is not the Spirit).  Greg felt good about it too.  Countering as we did required trusting in the Lord, but we have learned (sometimes the hard way and sometimes by seeing great blessings) that the Lord knows best!  Our counter was accepted, and we felt very fortunate.

Besides the waiting game on this end (lots of waiting--we asked for a three month closing!!), we needed to find a place to live on the other end.  With an accepted offer on our house, we could finally get serious about finding a house in Ohio.  More stress and worry and despair were coming.  But so was a great blessing. 

(Now I need to go to bed.)  To be continued ...

P.S.  Proverbs 3:5

David's Very Awesome Baptism and Confirmation

David was baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on Sunday, June 9.  It was his 8th birthday.  It was serendipitous the way that worked out.  It was extra special because David's dad was baptized on his 8th birthday too.

It was a very special day.

To make it extra memorable, our bishop (and good friend) accidentally drained the font right before the service!  Oops!  But have no fear, our friends pitched in with buckets to hasten the refilling of the font.  And we didn't end up starting too late after all!

It was a very nice program.  Greg had insisted that I give a talk, so I spoke briefly about baptism, focusing on what Nephi teaches in 2 Nephi 31:16-20 about following the example of Jesus Christ.  Then David's Primary teacher, Juanita W, shared a beautiful message about the gift of the Holy Ghost.  She bore a strong testimony of the importance of living in such a way as to always have the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

Following the messages shared about baptism and the Holy Ghost, a group of children sang "Baptism."  Singing were David and Mary; Liam and Whitney N; Zach and Tessa R; and Jack W.  Brooke N accompanied them on the piano.  It was so sweet and powerful.  The children sang their testimonies.  The warmth of the Spirit filled the room as they sang.  (You can see a video of the children practicing HERE.  But please note that this was just a practice and the kids knew it.  They were even more serious and sincere and focused when they performed before David's baptism.)

After that short program, David was baptized by his father.  (David was so excited to be baptized--and the water in the font still wasn't particularly deep--that his foot popped out the first time.  So he got to do it again!  All with a huge smile on David's face!)  I met David as he came out of the font.  There has never been a happier kid.  He leaped into my arms and declared that this was the happiest moment of his life.  And it was absolutely sincere and spoken from the heart.

After Greg and David changed their clothes, Greg, David's grandfathers, and the bishop put their hands on David's head and Greg confirmed him a member of the Church and gave him the gift of the Holy Ghost.  David was reminded in the blessing that he has a special gift to feel the Holy Ghost.  It was simple and powerful.

The presence of the Spirit of the Lord was felt so strongly in the room  that afternoon--there was peace and warmth and power.  It was a special, sacred experience.

I cannot say enough about how happy David was.  (Everyone commented on it!)  He was glowing and smiling and giddy and bubbling and bursting.  He was so joyful.

It was wonderful to share the joy with David afterwards.  We had root beer floats for refreshments, and David was congratulated by many people.  We are so grateful for the friends who joined us for the event.  David (and our whole family) felt very loved.  (And thanks to my friends who helped prepare and serve the refreshments!)  David was especially excited to see his good buddy Isaac from school there.  And our cousins Mikhael and Deserae and Elim came to support us.  And, most special of all, David's four grandparents were there to share this special event with him.

To mark the occasion, afterwards we took the requisite pictures.  I have to give a huge thank you to my good friend Shannon for taking pictures!  (It was so nice to not have to worry about bringing a camera and finding someone to take them.)  I am so grateful we have these pictures to remember this happy day.

All the family in attendance!  David has a family who loves him very much.
Grammy, Grandpa, Mom, David, Dad, Sara, Mary, Grandpa Mike, Grandma Evie, Mikhael, Deserae, Elim

David with his family and grandparents.
We are so grateful all of his grandparents made the effort to be here to share this special time with David!

A family picture with our handsome David

 The months leading up to David's baptism and confirmation were a special time for our whole family.  We took time on Sunday mornings to have special gospel discussions.  We talked about baptism and what it really means to follow Jesus Christ.  We talked about the gift of the Holy Ghost and becoming an official member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Then, using the "What Do I Study and Teach?" section of Preach My Gospel as a loose guide, we discussed the Apostasy, the Restoration, prophets, the Plan of Salvation, and other topics.  Most importantly, Greg and I found many opportunities to testify to David of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ's love for him.

There really is something special about turning eight.  A year ago, or even six months ago, I could not have imagined David being capable and responsible and mature enough to make a covenant with God.  But over the last few months, David has matured leaps and bounds.  He developed enough emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to be able to choose to be baptized and confirmed.  Sure, he's growing up in an active Mormon family, so there was little to zero doubt he was going to be baptized when he turned eight.  But when the time came, I know it was David's choice.  It was his sincere and honest desire to make a promise to follow Jesus Christ.  That is why he felt such pure joy when he came out of the font.  Not because he was pleasing his mom or his dad or his grandparents.  It was because he was pleasing God.  He was feeling pure love--love for God and the love of God.  I am happy that I could be there for that moment.  And, as a parent, I am grateful for the opportunity and responsibility to facilitate that moment.  But that moment was truly between David and His Savior.  We were all on the sidelines.

David is a remarkable boy.  He certainly experiences struggles, some quite challenging.  And I will admit that he has caused me and his dad a great (great!) deal of stress throughout his life.  But there is no doubt that he feels close to God.  And I hope he will draw strength from his relationship with God throughout his life.

This kid is awesome.  I love him very much.

Blessing day

Sara was blessed in church at the ripe age of three weeks.  Greg's mom was already here, and his dad joined us here for the weekend.  My dad also flew up for the occasion.  Here are the "official" pictures we took that morning to mark the low-key but special event.

Grandpa Mike, Baby Sara, Greg the Proud Father, Alisa, Grammy and Grandpa.
Mary and David in front.

Our family of five!

Sweet siblings.

Those are some good looking kids, if I do say so myself.

Mama loves Baby.

Sister loves Baby too.  Can you spot Mary's hand?

The little lady herself.  My great-grandmother made the blessing gown for my Aunt Janell's baby blessing.  My dad  was also blessed in the gown.  Then I was many years later.  And then both David and Mary were blessed in the dress.

Grammy made the bonnet from an antique handkerchief for Mary's blessing.  Mary sweetly let us use it for Sara's blessing too.  And the pretty blanket?  I bought that from a very kind woman at the Adana ladies' market in Turkey--and the best part is the little evil eye bead sown into one corner.

Did I mention Sister loves Baby?

A lot!  Sister loves Baby a lot.  (Oh, Sara, thank you for your patience.)

 Sara was blessed by her father in church on January 27.  Both of her grandfathers participated, along with Bishop D. and family friends Todd N. and Chris R.  We are especially grateful for the presence of her grandfathers, that they both traveled from afar to participate in Sara's naming and blessing--to welcome her and a bestow a blessing upon her as she begins her life here on earth.

It was a beautiful blessing.  (Both David and Mary were touched, and David, my little spiritual radar, whispered that he knew Sara was happy.)  Afterwards, Greg held his baby girl tight in his arms for the rest of the service.  Blessing a child must be a special experience for a father. David was blessed in my parents' home, and Mary was blessed in the home of Greg's parents.  This was the first time we have blessed a child at church.  So this was the first time Greg didn't have to immediately give up the baby to a crowd of adoring grandparents and aunts and uncles.  Instead, he was able to sit quietly in church, gaze at the child in his arms, and reflect on the heaven-sent words he had spoken.

Dear Sara

You will know at an early age who you are and what your mission here on earth is.

  You will have compassion for others.  You will be a champion of those in need of love.  

Angels will strengthen you and be with you as you do your work.  

Fear and faith

Yesterday we stopped by the hospital where I will deliver so the kids could see it.  Mary has been feeling nervous about the prospect of coming to visit me there, and we wanted her to feel a little more comfortable.  Well, Mary left feeling at ease.  But not me!

I don't know what happened.  But suddenly I was filled with dread and fear.  Paralyzed with anxiety.  Hospitals don't normally freak me out.  And compared to the hospitals where David and Mary were born, this one is the Ritz-Carlton.  I guess the realization just hit me that THIS IS REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN.  I am going to have a baby. Which scares me, because, in my opinion, there is no good way to get a baby out.  And then once the baby is out, one way or another, there it is.  You have a baby ... and all that goes with that.

Fear.  It filled my soul.  I feared every little thing that will happen in the hospital.  I feared potential complications.  I feared that dang incision.  I feared pain and discomfort.  I feared mean nurses.  I feared how big this baby will be.  I feared her learning curve with nursing.  I feared missing David and Mary.  I feared how they will hold up while I am in the hospital so long. I feared not being able to meet their emotional needs.  For a long time.  I feared how drugged up I will be.  For a long time.  I feared not being able to let go of control while I am recovering.  I feared caring about the laundry and the kitchen counters and teeth getting brushed and what my kids wear to school and lunches and dinner and screen time.  Things I should not care about for a while.  I feared David and Mary will feel sad.  I feared they will not be able to settle into their normal routines.  I feared they will remember this as a stressful, dark time for our family  I feared I will lose my temper in moments when they most need tenderness.  I feared Greg might break under all the additional responsibility.  I feared being too hard on myself.

Some of the fear I could not even articulate.  It was simply a dark feeling.  A feeling of dread.  Definitely not a feeling from God.  (Does anybody else end up in a dark place at the end of pregnancy?  I sure do.)

I didn't sleep last night.  (I broke out in hives everywhere!!  What the heck?!  Needless to say, it was a miserable night.)  I didn't think I would be able to get myself to church this morning.  But I so wanted to go.  I needed to feel something to counteract the darkness I felt inside.  I was a little delirious and itchy, but I made it.  And I'm so glad I did.

I loved singing the Christmas hymns.  The messages that were shared were insightful and inspiring.  David and Mary sang with the Primary children, and it was so sweet.  I adore my children.  Absolutely adore them.  And I remembered what an act of faith it had been to bring them into the world.

For me, there is no greater act of faith than that of bringing a child into our family.

Anytime we act in great faith, there is the possibility, even the inevitability, of great fear.  But I do not want to feel the fear.  I want to be filled with the hope and love that are intertwined with acts of faith.

"For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  --2 Timothy 1:7

I may feel fear, but God has given me power.  And love.  And a sound mind.

"Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God ... I am the light which shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not."  --D&C 6:21 (John 1:5)

I choose the light that will chase away the darkness and the fear.  Sure, I still worry (about many of the things I listed above).  But the peace I felt today chased away the darkness that comes from fear.  Instead, I feel empowered with the Lord on my side as we take this step of faith.

Of course, the whole bringing another human being into the world is kind of scary.  Any act of faith is.  But it will be okay.  And even if it's not okay, because of the Saviors' Atonement, it will still be okay.

I have felt this fear before.  I have taken the leap of faith.  I have experienced the blessings.

And they are blessings beyond measure.

Kansas City Temple Open House

Your children see the temple from the outside.

It's not often that you have an opportunity to take them inside.

Which is why we drove to Kansas City, to fulfill Mary's plan.  (Last summer she insisted that we return when the temple was finished being built and take her inside.)  

The temple becomes a spiritual center, a holy place of refuge from the world.  It is a place to meditate on our eternal journey, make promises to serve God, and feel close to Him.  After the building is officially dedicated, the temple is reserved as a place set apart from the world for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who are striving to live the gospel of Jesus Christ and keep the commitments they have made to Him.  Church members wear white while inside to symbolize equality and purity.  With a few exceptions, the temple is a place for adults. 

Which is why an open house is so fantastic for kids.  After a temple is completed, but before it's dedicated, the building is open for public tours.  Everyone is welcome!  It's a wonderful opportunity to be all together as a family in the temple.  And it's nice to have the temple demystified a little for your kids.  (There's a good reason not everyone is invited inside a dedicated temple--it's hard for a place to be apart from the world if the whole world is there.  But it certainly has the effect of making it all mysterious.)  We attended a temple open house in Utah a couple of years ago.  But not even David could remember it.  So we figured we should make the effort to go to the one in Kansas City, especially since it (barely) overlapped with our spring break.

To make things even better (much much better) B and Le met us in Kansas City with their adorable kids. What a blessing that glad they came.  They are so much fun and easy to be with.  And everything is better with cousins.  (Also, it was incredibly reassuring to spend time with parents who have some of the same struggles with their kids that we do with ours.)  So good for the soul to be with them.  And just look at these cousins...

It was wonderful to be in the temple together.  Other temple open houses I have been to have been self-guided.  This time we had a guide who walked us through.  The good part about this was the celestial room.    Instead of briskly walking through, we were invited to pause for a few minutes, even take a seat.  Greg, David, Mary, and I all squeezed together on a sofa. The celestial room is a quiet, lovely place of meditation that symbolizes heaven, or, in Mormon words, living eternally with our families and God.  So it was marvelous to be there for a few moments with my family, husband, son, and daughter.  (Afterwards, David told us that was his favorite part because he felt warm inside.)

It is nice to have a place to escape the world.

It was nice to take my kids there.

Easter eggs

We're going to be in the car on Easter Sunday, so we decided to have some of our Easter fun this weekend.

We dyed eggs.  I love dyeing eggs.  (Which is kind of out of character for me.  But there is something about all the colors and the way the shells absorb them and how even the imperfections and cracks are pretty and the whole process is like magic for the kids and we're celebrating spring and isn't that a wonderful thing.)  I prefer using food coloring to the little alka-seltzer-type pills you buy in those kits.  You have more control over the colors--and you can do a larger variety of them.  Plus, the kids enjoy squeezing out the drops and counting along as we create different colors.  (I think Not Martha's colors are better than the color "recipes" printed on the food dye boxes.)

What did we do with all of those Easter eggs?  Hunt them, of course.

I love Easter.

I do Halloween because everyone else does and it makes my kids happy.  I could do without Valentine's Day, but I grudgingly do the minimum.  I do not acknowledge St. Patrick's Day.

But over the years I have grown to love celebrations of Easter: the dyed eggs, the baskets, the new clothes, the jelly beans and Cadbury chocolates.  It's a celebration of spring and rebirth!  And, behind the more secular traditions, there lies the most important event in the history of the Universe: the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  If that is not worth celebrating, then what is?  Other holidays can feel hollow beneath the decorations and candy.  But not Easter.  The Peeps and stiff new church clothes provide another reason, a special occasion, so that "we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ . . . that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." 

What we do for Easter varies from year to year.  Usually there are new clothes and dyed eggs.  Sometimes more.  Sometimes less.  But we always talk of Christ.  We teach of that sacred last week before His death.  And we testify to our children that He lives again.  So that they will know too.

Tomorrow at Family Home Evening Mary would like to teach us about the Resurrection of the Savior.

I love Easter.

Bahama Buck's

Monday night we had an important date.  A trip to Bahama Buck's!

Uncle Daniel introduced us to Bahama Buck's gourmet shaved ice over two years ago, when he was preparing to leave for his mission and the kids and I were living across the hall from his bedroom in my parents' house.

Our first trip to Bahama Buck's way back in the day was pretty unforgettable.  It started off fine...

(Oh my goodness.  Look how tiny my kids were!  David was the age that Mary is now.)

 But it ended in a huge disaster zone.  All the paper napkins and baby wipes in the world could not compete with the mess David and Mary made.  (Greg was in Honduras.  Too bad--we sure could have used to emergency management skills.)

Two years later we returned to Bahama Buck's with Uncle Daniel.  This time after his mission.  And this time we brought our parents along.  It was a good time.  And yummy.  And much less messy than our previous visit.

We love Bahama Buck's!  But a million gazillion times more we love Uncle Daniel...

Do you know what Uncle Daniel was up to in between these two trips to Bahama Buck's?  He was serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Chile!  In and around beautiful Vina del Mar.

Anyone want to see pictures?  (I do! I do!) Click below to see the rest of this post--pictures of my baby bro as a hard-working, fun-loving, faithful servant of the Lord in a very special country.

Three thoughts

One

I don't often write these days about how much I desperately, crazily love my children.  I also don't often think about how I want to freeze time and keep them tiny.  Lately I haven't been completely panicked about their growing up.  I think it's simply because I enjoy them more now.  I don't feel desperate, crazy, and panicked.  So I don't feel desperate, crazy, and panicked about them.  No offense to my kids when they were a little (or a lot) shorter, but I like having a first-grader and a four-year-old so much more than having a baby and a toddler or a toddler and a preschooler.  Am I allowed to admit that?  Well, I am.  Because I am who I am.


Two

It's funny how life doesn't always turn out how you would expect.  When I was in my twenties I just assumed there would always be time for life to turn out how I expected/wanted/hoped.  Not that being 34 is old or anything.  But being 34 is old enough to realize that time may actually run out, that mortality isn't infinite.  So if I would like to change the arc of my life, sooner is probably better than later.  Or, if I am at point A and in so many years I would like to be at point H, then it's probably time to figure out what point H is, and what I might need to do to move onto point B.  I also realize that God lets us know what point H is when we're ready.  Age 34 is also old enough to begin accepting that no matter what, no matter how proactive I want to be, aspects of life that I expected/wanted/hoped may not be.  Guess what.  I can't control everything.  But I can put myself in God's arms and trust.


Three

I am affectionate and expressive with my children.  It is very natural for me.  (This is something that surprises me about myself as a mother.  I'm not sure why, but it's a matter I believe best explored with a therapist and not on a blog.  You're welcome.)  But sometimes I lose my patience with my children.  Sometimes I am short with them. I used to think (subconsciously) that if I was very affectionate with them and then at times short-tempered with them that I would confuse them and so I should perhaps hold back on the affection a little until I had mastered patience completely.  Fortunately, one day I consciously realized what my subconscious had been thinking.  And I squashed that stupid thought.  I have not mastered patience--not even close--but I freely and frequently shower my children with affection.  For all of my faults as a mother, I know that my children know that I love them.  That feels good.

A post about adoption

If Greg and I ever die in a plane crash without our kids, then--

WAIT.  When are Greg and I ever EVER on an airplane together without our kids?!  Yes, we've had two romantic getaways sans kids--but I flew ALONE to meet Greg both times.  (By the way, those romantic getaways were to Montgomery, Alabama and Honduras.  What?  You don't think Montgomery is romantic?  Yeah, me neither.  But Honduras is.  Really!)  Okay, since Greg and I would never die in a plane crash together without our kids, perhaps I should say--

If Greg and I should ever simultaneously die of boredom from the books we read (a much more likely scenario), then who would we want to raise our children?

Well, we would want someone just like Dave and Brandi.  And I do not say that lightly.

I stole this picture from Brandi's blog.  It was taken in Istanbul.

Allow me tell you ten things about Dave and Brandi.

1. We know Dave and Brandi from when we lived on an air base near Adana, Turkey.  When you live on an air base near Adana you have two choices:  You can whine and complain and be a bored bump on a log, or you can make the most of it, getting out and having fabulous, once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Dave and Brandi chose the latter.  (Proof here.)  I think that says a lot about them.
2. They make yummy food.  I know this for a fact.
3. Brandi worked on Capitol Hill as a congressional aid for a number of years.  How cool is that?
4. Dave is a doctor.  One evening our little David, who was two at the time, started shrieking in pain when we put on his pajamas.  Panicked and unsure what to do, we called Dave, who came right over and carefully, tenderly, lovingly examined David.  He determined that David probably had a broken wrist, and he immediately made room in his schedule for us to come in for X-rays the following day.  Sure enough, the next morning Dr. Dave looked at the X-rays and found a green stick fracture in David's wrist.  Dr. Dave then arranged for us to see the orthopedic surgeon, walking us through every step in the process.  Dave did not have to do any of that.  But he did.  Because that's who he is--someone who willingly and lovingly serves others.  
5. They play each other in tennis.  And they are competitive about it.  For some reason, I love this about them!  (Perhaps because they are such a devoted, committed couple--so the fact that they are so in love but can also go out and school each other on the court brings a smile to my face.)
6. Dave and Brandi love children.  That's one of the first things I noticed about them.  They enjoy the fun physicality of toddlers.  And I've noticed they have a special gift for connecting with teenagers.  How awesome is that?!
7. Brandi is witty and smart and kind and thoughtful.  Think about that for a second.  It's not really common for someone to have a sharp wit and a kind soul.  Brandi is the kind of friend who is fun and funny.  And she is also compassionate and loving.  And it's all for real.  What always strikes me about Brandi is how REAL she is.  
8. Dave and Brandi are faithful.  They love God: They serve God by serving others.  
9. Okay, so Dave and Brandi are awesome.  Super awesome.  They are super fun and super adventurous and super accomplished and super fit and super talented and super responsible and super kind and super organized and super hard-working and super wise.  Like I said, SUPER AWESOME.  But here is the most awesome thing of all:  When you are with them, you don't feel like they are super awesome.  Let me explain.  You know how there are some people who are amazing and when you are with them all you can think about is their amazingness so you feel about two inches tall the whole time and you can't really be yourself because you're so self-conscious about your un-amazingness?  Well, Dave and Brandi are NOT like that.  They are amazing, but when you are with them, you feel amazing too.  They are humble and real and genuine. 
10. Best of all, Brandi and Dave are the parents of this adorable little guy:

This is Zach.  Don't you want to eat him up?
(This is another pic stolen from Brandi's blog.)

Don't you see why I would want my kids raised in a family like this one?

More stolen pictures. . .

And it just so happens that they are hoping to adopt.  

Zach was a miracle.  Now they are hoping for another.  Brandi and Dave are deeply spiritual, and they have felt God's hand leading them down the path of adoption.  Please read their beautiful words here.  This is a challenging journey for them. But they are strong, and wise, and faithful.  I know that God is a God of miracles, a God of mercy.  He whispers quietly into people's hearts to bring about His miracles, to show His love and mercy.

If you know someone who is pregnant and considering adoption for her baby, may I suggest that you think of introducing her to my friends?

I have to point out that I have great difficulty making recommendations.  I cannot recommend a book without qualification.  I usually hold back when people are seeking the names of good dentists, doctors, car mechanics, or hair stylists.  I never jump in with my opinion on cleaning supplies or beauty products.  You have to drag out of me movie or T.V. suggestions.  

So how could I recommend Dave and Brandi as potential PARENTS--something infinitely and eternally more important than mascara or who cleans my teeth?!  

Because I am that sure. 

Without reservation.  

Brandi and Dave are the real deal, folks.  

(I think I might go change my will now.  I do have a really boring book on my nightstand after all.)

***

Brandi and Dave's adoption profiles are here and here.

Their family blog is here.

I'd love to dish more on their awesomeness!  Just ask. As always, I'm asila77 at good old-fashioned aol.