As I have lamely attempted to explain before, I believe there is a myriad of possibilities for our lives. Good possibilities. God certainly has a will for each of us, and that is to return to live with Him someday. But that doesn't mean He wills every tiny thing that happens to us. We are truly free to make choices, and they are often not between good and evil. Often we choose between several good opportunities, and God allows us to use our own brains and be guided by our own desires (only interfering when necessary--like when what we sincerely believe is a good choice really isn't). When our choices, or the choices of others, lead to disappointment, great good and learning and wisdom can follow. As paradoxical as it may seem, our lives can take many twists and turns as we remain on the straight and narrow path back to God. And now I will stop trying to summarize something I can barely explain to myself.
The point is: I believed Wisconsin was one of many good possibilities. In fact, I believed it was Plan B,* but God was going to bless us as if it were Plan A. In fact, as compensation, He would bless us even more. We feel deeply satisfied living here. I can't imagine a better place for our family right now. It feels good and right to be here. But there was always a deep, nagging mite of a worry that this was a back-up plan. Could things have worked out differently? Should things have worked out differently? And what if they had?
*I am interrupting my train of thought to point out that Wisconsin was more like Plan Z than Plan B. Wasn't a staff job and moving to San Antonio Plan A? I guess that would make graduate school in Atlanta Plan B. Oh, wait. At first, there was all that interest in U.C. Berkeley and Michigan. Going to George Washington in D.C. was probably Plan E. Oh yeah, and then there was the week that Plan K was coming into effect: we would move back to Dayton while Greg commuted to Ohio State. (Did you know that, Ohio Friends? We were really, truly moving back to Dayton. We even had our home search narrowed to two houses in Oakwood, and Greg was super excited to be a part of OSU's program. I was so excited to tell you, Ohio Friends, that I didn't, lest I jinx the whole thing.)
Now, what was I talking about?
Oh, yes... Isn't Wisconsin one of many good paths for our family? God is happy we're here, but it's not like "it's God's one and only will," right? Aren't there other good places we could be living right now in parallel universes?
No.
We are EXACTLY where we are supposed to be. THIS WAS THE PLAN ALL ALONG. This is Plan A, and it always was. We just didn't know it.
Shocking, isn't it? For me, anyway.
(You should know that it's a really big stinkin' deal for me to make such a definitive statement like, "This is God's will." I don't take that phrase lightly.)
Back when we were excitedly implementing Plan K (Ohio), it (Plan K) suddenly felt wrong. It made me sick to my stomach. But it made perfect sense! But it made me sick to my stomach! But we could live in the same house for six years! But it made me sick to my stomach! But we already had friends and family in the area! But it made me sick to my stomach!......It made me sick to my stomach. Period.
And what should bring great peace and happiness to my soul?
Wisconsin.
Wisconsin??!!!??
Wisconsin.
Since the dawn of time, Wisconsin wasn't even an option. It wasn't even the tiniest atom of a possibility. It was nonexistent. NONEXISTENT. I thought about Wisconsin about as often as George Washington thought about the iPad. Then, it kind of seeped into consciousness, and Madison made this list. I almost didn't include it on that list because it seemed so....out of the realm of possibility. (In fact, the only reason I included it is because I like lists of 8 more than 7.)
(You should know that it's a really big stinkin' deal for me to make such a definitive statement like, "This is God's will." I don't take that phrase lightly.)
Back when we were excitedly implementing Plan K (Ohio), it (Plan K) suddenly felt wrong. It made me sick to my stomach. But it made perfect sense! But it made me sick to my stomach! But we could live in the same house for six years! But it made me sick to my stomach! But we already had friends and family in the area! But it made me sick to my stomach!......It made me sick to my stomach. Period.
And what should bring great peace and happiness to my soul?
Wisconsin.
Wisconsin??!!!??
Wisconsin.
Since the dawn of time, Wisconsin wasn't even an option. It wasn't even the tiniest atom of a possibility. It was nonexistent. NONEXISTENT. I thought about Wisconsin about as often as George Washington thought about the iPad. Then, it kind of seeped into consciousness, and Madison made this list. I almost didn't include it on that list because it seemed so....out of the realm of possibility. (In fact, the only reason I included it is because I like lists of 8 more than 7.)
Yet, suddenly (like in the matter of an hour), Wisconsin moved from the fringes of the Universe right smack dab to the center of ours. We were moving to Madison. And it felt overwhelmingly RIGHT.
But even as things fell into place--a beautiful home, a great elementary school, a loving Montessori Children's House, a friendly church congregation, a lovely landscape, a strong community, a good engineering program--I still doubted deep, deep down in a dark corner about whether we could (should?) be living a different life. Was there a Plan A we would never experience? What was Plan A anyway? And would it have been even better?
The whole point of this post is an official record for our family that THIS IS PLAN A.
But even as things fell into place--a beautiful home, a great elementary school, a loving Montessori Children's House, a friendly church congregation, a lovely landscape, a strong community, a good engineering program--I still doubted deep, deep down in a dark corner about whether we could (should?) be living a different life. Was there a Plan A we would never experience? What was Plan A anyway? And would it have been even better?
The whole point of this post is an official record for our family that THIS IS PLAN A.
Greg and I have had experiences (which are private, sorry) that have confirmed to us without a doubt that this is where we are supposed to be. The Lord led us here. I am a little surprised and a lot humbled that the Lord had a very specific place in mind for us. No other university, town, or house would do. It was a twisty, turny, topsy, turvy path--but it led us exactly where we needed to go. Without Plans B through T, we never would have chosen the real Plan A. It was a long time of muddling through life until we finally knew the question we should ask the Lord, and He was ready and willing to shout the answer, "Yes, Wisconsin!"
So here we are.
With peaceful hearts.
(And at least some definitive answers to this.)
