We are gone from Madison. I still have pictures and events from Wisconsin to post. But it's official--we no longer live there. Goodbye, Wisconsin. Thanks for the truly wonderful, happy three years, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart (and not in that I ought to be polite and positive on my blog kind of way).
Right now the movers are unloading the truck at our house here in Ohio. I'm in the hotel room while Sara takes a nap and David and Mary begin their second (or is it third?) hour of Sponge Bob this morning.
Moving is hard. There is a reason why it's right up there with death and divorce. Every move has been difficult, but I think this has been the hardest, for me anyway. We've had some hard moves, logistically and emotionally. So I've been trying to figure out why this one feels worse. (And maybe the other ones were just as bad, if not worse, and I've just blocked it out!) Allow me a moment to reflect on the challenges with this move (and to wallow a little in self-pity) ...
We were selling a house and buying one basically simultaneously. Being under contract on two houses was a new twist for us with this move. While everything went super smoothly at both closings, we didn't necessarily know that ahead of time. Against our better judgment we chose to do our financing through USAA on the new house. While it turned out just fine, we had little reason to believe it would. (USAA has such stellar customer service in every other area! Their mortgages are a big, fat exception. Next time we will do what we did with the house in Wisconsin and find a local lender.) In addition, the house in Ohio was a for sale by owner deal, so it meant more work and research on our part. There has been a cloud of worry over our heads that a contract (or two!) would fall through.
We have high maintenance children, not including Sara. David and Mary are driving me crazy. Crazy!! (I know this is difficult for them--but the whining and complaining and bickering and flat-out disobedience certainly isn't helping matters. How did I manage to raise such needy children who live in desperate fear of the possibility of being mildly bored for three seconds?? Never ask me for parenting advice because I have obviously failed.)
We have a baby. While Sara is sweet, mild, and easy-going, she is still a baby.
David and Mary are school-aged. It's a hard move emotionally for them. They are leaving behind wonderful schools and good friends. (And I am really stressed out about their schooling.)
This was supposed to be an easier move. I wasn't emotionally/mentally prepared for this to be a "start from scratch" move. When we moved to Wisconsin, we knew we would be going to Dayton, Ohio in three years. We'd lived there before, and we had friends there. This was going to be easy, as far as moves go. I would have friends right away, my kids would have friends right away--maybe even down the street. I would know where everything was, no GPS or Google Maps needed. I would know where to go shopping and where to take the kids for outings. The familiar is so comforting. But then we didn't move to Dayton--we decided to move to Cincinnati instead. I am not doubting that decision, but I will admit that I'm feeling discouraged about starting all over. Who will my friends be? Who will my kids' friends be? Where will I do my grocery shopping? Will I ever not be completely disoriented on these roads? Chris and Leslie are in Florida this week, so hopefully this feeling will start to go away when they get back...?
We loved our house. I loved our house in Verona. It wasn't perfect, and there are some things about it that I'm happy to leave behind. But it was pretty darn close to my dream house. And this is the first time we have left a house we loved. While the house in Ohio will be more functional for this next stage of life, I really liked our house in Verona. And we worked hard to make it a nice place to live. It's hard to leave that.
Wisconsin is pretty great. I'm speaking generally here (things to do, scenery, weather, culture, food, etc.) I think it's really important to have a positive attitude when you move. So I'm only going to think/write this once and then I will put it out of mind and focus on all the great things about living here: I like Wisconsin more than Ohio.
I am boring now and have no sense of adventure.
Roots. I think this gets at the heart of what is hard about this move. We put down roots. We bought a house, we were involved in two school communities, we served in our church community. We formed and nurtured friendships. And then we left. I feel like we ripped ourselves out of a network of friendship, support, and service. I really wanted to enjoy that network a little longer! This move is probably the hardest on me. Greg finished school; he got his PhD. He has some serious closure--it was time for him to move on. Even David and Mary are at kind of a natural break in their schooling. But, for me, I feel like my life was just beginning. (When I look at the future--and the subsequent moves--I feel so tired. Is this my life? Just as I finally get settled, really settled, I have to leave again? And again?) The fact that we were not living among Air Force families made it harder. When a lot of your friends are in the military, it's easy to leave, because they are leaving too.
We need a vacation! This move has been hard because it's been so simple--Point A to Point B. Usually (with every other move, I believe) between Point A and Point B we went to visit here, there, and everywhere. We have spent time out West and/or in Texas with friends and family. I wonder if that buffer of vacation helped? This time we spent one night in Chicago. The kids had a great time at the Field Museum, the Hancock Tower, and the American Girl and Lego stores. We love to do things with our kids in Chicago, but I'm not sure negotiating through and around the city with 2 packed cars was exactly relaxing for Greg and Alisa. Our last week in Wisconsin was so busy. It was full of lots of good things--time spent with friends and kind farewells. But we probably could have used a quiet weekend of family time instead of rushing here and there in a big city. (We were so happy to have nothing to do on Sunday afternoon.)
So I think those are some of the reasons this move has felt especially challenging. But I guess all moves are hard ...
The good thing is that I don't have to do it alone. Moves are stressful for families, but I also think they bring you closer. You rely on one another for friendship and comfort and companionship. You serve one another. You gain a new appreciation for each other. I am grateful for my family. That we can do this together.
