Because there's nothing quite like a blog post about your aches and pains and whining and complaining ...
So.
Not only did the Eternal Chest Cold of Doom mess up my ribs and leave me sapped of energy, it also triggered my long-latent asthma. I barely have asthma. I had a few minor exercise-induced asthma attacks when I was a teenager, and in college a nasty cold could trigger some wheezing spells. So, out of habit, to this day I still dutifully carry around an inhaler (probably several years expired). But I've used it just a handful of times (if that many) in the last decade. Asthma might technically show up on my medical records, but it's certainly not something I worry about. Or even think about.
Until Greg went out of town (because if anything is going to go more wrong than usual it will be when Greg is gone). All of October I had felt congested and uncomfortable in my lungs, but then one afternoon I suddenly realized I could hardly breathe. Seriously??!! I took a long, hot shower and dug out my old inhaler (probably several years expired, remember). Nothing. I practically felt like I was gasping for air. Seriously??!! This was something I could not ignore. I picked up cupcakes for a (soon-to-be-cancelled) soccer game, got drenched by a downpour in the parking lot, picked up my kids at their two different schools, fed them, found a place for them to go (Thank you, Tara!!), and drove myself to the urgent care, ribs aching (as I was well over my 15-minute threshold, grrr).
For the first time in my pregnancy, I was worried. Up until then everything I had whined and complained about had been mere inconvenience. This was a little scary. I wasn't panicked--my coloring was okay, no blue-hued lips or anything. But I was genuinely worried that if I felt like I wasn't able to breathe, then maybe I really wasn't getting enough oxygen ... which would mean the baby wasn't either. (Of course, Greg was on an airplane at that exact moment so I couldn't even call and freak out to him, but maybe it was better that way.)
At the clinic they checked my oxygen saturation right away. It was fine. I was fine. Baby was fine. I didn't feel fine--I felt like I couldn't breathe! But I was fine, and baby was fine, regardless of how I felt. Phew. I was relieved to transition from being worried and scared to just being seriously irritated about one more stupid discomfort. (It is really is uncomfortable when you're wheezing and your chest is so tight that you feel like you can hardly breathe.) I did a breathing treatment to open up my lungs. The doctor and I discussed a treatment that would be most helpful in helping me heal ... but which he wouldn't dare prescribe a pregnant woman (a sentiment shared by my OB). Sigh. I would just have to tough it out. But I did get a prescription for a new, UNEXPIRED inhaler.
So I spent the rest of the month feeling dragged down by a cold virus, plagued by pain in my rib cage, AND wheezing and gasping for breath. Aaargh! Again, nothing serious. But seriously annoying! Things I should enjoy--like planning my daughter's birthday party or meeting with my kids' teachers--felt like burdens. Simple tasks like writing a thoughtful email or making dinner seemed as challenging and insurmountable as climbing Mount Everest.
I cried a lot in October. I am not very flexible. I don't bend in the wind; I break. It was hard for me to adapt, to adjust to the fact that during this beautiful lively month, I felt miserable. And it got bad enough I had to start missing out on things. Boo.
Oh well. The month is over. And I am definitely starting to feel better. (Which serves to make me realize how terrible I really felt every single day in October.) The progression of this pregnancy has caught me a little off-guard. I'm by no means a glowing, energetic pregnant woman. But I didn't expect to spend quite so much time in bed! (How do women truly on bed rest not go crazy??) Certainly, I am thankful that all I've experienced is mere discomfort (okay, sometimes real pain) and inconvenience. Except for that one single evening at the urgent care, I have had no worries or scares this pregnancy. I am not oblivious to that tremendous blessing. Much, much better to be uncomfortable than to have reason to worry.
I sense I should be learning something from all of this. Patience? Humility? Faith? Compassion? Flexibility? Gratitude? Well, I'm probably failing. But I'd rather daydream about my baby girl--who's no longer a dream!--than reflect on grand life lessons.
And so. The moral of the story remains: We're having a baby!!
***
Wait! I promised you an October bonus. One more thing I get to complain about, and this one is a doozy, if I do say so myself. Towards the end of the month I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Nevermind the fact that I really do have something to worry about now--a huge, hypoglycemic baby in the NICU. And nevermind the fact that I hate, hate, hate pricking my fingers four times a day--there is a reason I chose not to pursue a career in medicine. Here's the reason for my pity-party: No sugar, very few carbs, and no splurges, cheating, or special occasions ... but it's the holidays, folks! No stealing Almond Joys from my kids' Halloween stashes. No stuffing myself with stuffing. No mint M&Ms, pumpkin bread, candy canes, hot cocoa, fudge, cookies, gingerbread, and so on and so forth. No hot, gooey cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. No pie on Thanksgiving. NO PIE ON THANKSGIVING!! If that's not a reason for a pity-party, I don't know what is.
To be fair, I'm glad I know about the gestational diabetes. Obviously, the baby will be much healthier now. And it's not only the baby--I feel so much better now! I feel better now that I've got my blood sugar under control. (So, trust me, even though I feel a little sorry for myself, I have every motivation in the world to pass on that pie.) I look back at October, and I'm positive I was having problems with it all month--I just didn't know what it was yet. One other way I was messed up and feeling crappy in October.
But enough of all this. Let's move on to the good times and the cute pictures!
